So this last weekend found me up north again, visiting my family this time, at my mom's beach house. For the record, I feel so blessed that she lets us come up there and soak in all that wonderful energy floating around. What a gift!
Also, I was able to link up with my little brother, Blackwood, and his boyfriend, The Tinkerer. They made the long haul up north for a stay just short of 48 hours, and it was a fun-filled couple of days together. We snuck away for a stretch on Saturday afternoon, leaving my little people and our other siblings at the house while we found a new metaphysical book store. The going, the doing, the browsing and the subsequent shopping in the quaint little seaside town were some of my favorite parts of the weekend. I always get a great hit of Spirit when I'm with those two. They live so strongly in their beliefs that I always come away feeling more attuned to my own beliefs as a result.
On the way to the bookstore, I mentioned to Blackwood that I was feeling ready to set up my altar and get things moving along, but that I'm heeding the advice of my cards and taking things slowly within this learning process. He and The Tinkerer took it upon themselves to find some altar items for me while we were walking through the shops, and in his sweet way, he presented me with the perfect pieces that honors what I honor. I was completely touched.
We also spent some time talking about relationships, and how the ones with which we struggle are really about us. Every time I see my friend make a decision that is fueled by her addiction instead of by truth, it actually stirs up in me the feelings I had for almost two decades when I watched my youngest brother lose himself and his life to heroin. I get addled, but that's my issue, not hers. I am still struggling to find my place within the friendship, but the lucky thing is this: there's no emergency. I have enough distance to watch things unfold for a while without needing to do something obnoxious or damaging. I can take my judgment over here in this little corner and sit still for a while until I work that out and get over things, or decide to change something.
Perhaps I should do a little magick to work some this out a bit. Perhaps I'll hurry along and set up my altar after all, especially now that I have some pieces of the beach with me. I'm curious how this will fly with my very traditional mother-in-law who is planning to visit at the end of the weekend. Could be funny.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Fairy Magick
Well, the fairies seemed to want that last post all to themselves. They've come up a lot for me lately, as I'm currently reading a chapter book with my little witch called Ruby the Red from the Rainbow Fairy collection. Also, the fairy trees we made this winter are colorful little pops of energy when you stare out the back door into the yard. They always make me smile. Here's a picture:
It's not the best visual, but there are three containters: a lady bug, dragonfly, and blue glass vase that each holds one wish from each of my little people here at the house. They're a little water logged from the recent rains, but the ink has washed away and the bottoms of the vase are filled with colorful pink water, which makes the girls think there's magick at work.
I've mentioned before that my fairy cards are in hiding, and it's been part of my goal to unearth them, along with countless other items that have yet to be unpacked from our last move. I could use a little help from them, as what I'm doing doesn't seem to be working.
This past weekend I met up with Gypsy Girl at a borrowed beach house up north. We spent some time playing with our cards and catching up on the details of our lives, and it was restorative as all get out. We also linked up with Elfin One, a bit, on the phone, and it was great to be all together in the same place, albeit briefly. I am so lucky to have enduring friendships that evolve right along with me, and I know that tending to them with texts, email and calls is another way to connect to Spirit, as these relationships feed me in a way that no others do.
I have begun to struggle a little with one of my relationships, however, because I can't understand why a dear friend is unwilling to live her best life. Listen to me, all powerful one over here who thinks she knows it all. But really, it's hard sometimes to sit back and watch someone you love not take that next step that will make her happy, that will fill her up with purpose and power, and that will let her be her very best self. It's actually more than hard--it's agonizing. I want so much to help, to push just a little harder, to help her to see that it's okay to be scared, but that sometimes the best change comes from the scariest starting point. But how can I do this? What's my place in this friendship? What are my rights? The part of me that knows how not to ruin the friendship sits and quietly supports. But the part of me that wants to be fed by truth, by absolute and essential truth, can't stand it anymore. There's sometimes a great amount of pretending that goes on, and frankly, my bullshit-o-meter is at zero. I'm tired of pretending, and tired of trying to dance around the very large elephant sitting in the center of every single conversation we have.
On Thursday, I have my next Covenant Circle meeting, and our topic is "Suffering," which comes at a good time for me, clearly. I think I'll introduce this idea of suffering in the friendship I'm struggling with, as I'm not sure that my sweet friend realizes that she's got to be getting fed somehow by this suffering on some level. We all do this, I think, unknowingly. I am having such difficulty watching it unfold any longer. It doesn't help that there's a level of addiction being fed, as there's fundamentally something that's broken at the heart of it all. I just wish I could stop being so angry about it and move back to where I've been for years now, sending love and light, praying, being supportive. But this makes me suffer. What to do?
In the way of true cowards, I can speak freely about it on this post because my friend doesn't read this blog. And I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate hearing about my trouble with the friendship in such an open forum. But it helps me to recognize that once you open the door on truth, you can just shut it again and pretend it never was opened.
I've mentioned before that my fairy cards are in hiding, and it's been part of my goal to unearth them, along with countless other items that have yet to be unpacked from our last move. I could use a little help from them, as what I'm doing doesn't seem to be working.
This past weekend I met up with Gypsy Girl at a borrowed beach house up north. We spent some time playing with our cards and catching up on the details of our lives, and it was restorative as all get out. We also linked up with Elfin One, a bit, on the phone, and it was great to be all together in the same place, albeit briefly. I am so lucky to have enduring friendships that evolve right along with me, and I know that tending to them with texts, email and calls is another way to connect to Spirit, as these relationships feed me in a way that no others do.
I have begun to struggle a little with one of my relationships, however, because I can't understand why a dear friend is unwilling to live her best life. Listen to me, all powerful one over here who thinks she knows it all. But really, it's hard sometimes to sit back and watch someone you love not take that next step that will make her happy, that will fill her up with purpose and power, and that will let her be her very best self. It's actually more than hard--it's agonizing. I want so much to help, to push just a little harder, to help her to see that it's okay to be scared, but that sometimes the best change comes from the scariest starting point. But how can I do this? What's my place in this friendship? What are my rights? The part of me that knows how not to ruin the friendship sits and quietly supports. But the part of me that wants to be fed by truth, by absolute and essential truth, can't stand it anymore. There's sometimes a great amount of pretending that goes on, and frankly, my bullshit-o-meter is at zero. I'm tired of pretending, and tired of trying to dance around the very large elephant sitting in the center of every single conversation we have.
On Thursday, I have my next Covenant Circle meeting, and our topic is "Suffering," which comes at a good time for me, clearly. I think I'll introduce this idea of suffering in the friendship I'm struggling with, as I'm not sure that my sweet friend realizes that she's got to be getting fed somehow by this suffering on some level. We all do this, I think, unknowingly. I am having such difficulty watching it unfold any longer. It doesn't help that there's a level of addiction being fed, as there's fundamentally something that's broken at the heart of it all. I just wish I could stop being so angry about it and move back to where I've been for years now, sending love and light, praying, being supportive. But this makes me suffer. What to do?
In the way of true cowards, I can speak freely about it on this post because my friend doesn't read this blog. And I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate hearing about my trouble with the friendship in such an open forum. But it helps me to recognize that once you open the door on truth, you can just shut it again and pretend it never was opened.
A Little Help From Our Friends
Just when I think I've reached my limit with this house and its mind of its own, I read this lovely excerpt from Blackwood (powerful leader of a NC coven and adorable younger brother) who suggests welcoming the fairies into the mix to help get your home in order. He writes: "As a hedge witch who is interested in hearth and home, contacting the fairies is an excellent idea. While home is a place to relax, it takes a lot of energy to maintain a healthy, happy home. The fairies can help lighten your load."
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Retreat
Recently, I've been hunkering down and working on my essay, and have to confess that I have no idea how I'm going to go back to school and balance my normal "work" at home if I can't even get the application together without the house falling apart. It's slow going and sort of exasperating, the level of organization it takes to run a house. To be honest, I rather loathe it. I was not cut out to be a homemaker, I think, and we will be happiest someday if we could outsource all the parts of homemaking that don't feed us.
Ha! Wouldn't that be lovely?! Not going to happen for this chic. I am trying to create a sense of purpose and joy in undertaking the things around the house I most detest. I don't enjoy searching for lost socks. I rather don't appreciate scrubbing pink Dora toothpaste from the light switch in the upstairs bathroom. I could do without rehanging the front shingle that fell off the house during the last hurricane. I wouldn't mind someone else doing these things. Somedays I actually wonder if I could conjure up the money and person to come in and take over. Again, this just isn't going to happen. I usually whine about it for a while, then go make something delicious in the kitchen and feel that all's right with the world again.
Am looking forward to having a mini retreat this weekend at a borrowed beach house. No children or Cute Husband, no real responsibilities, and a world of quiet. I am looking forward to reconnecting with Spirit, watching some dvds of Downton Abbey, and catching up with my favorite soul sisters. Most likely I'll be touching base from there with you all, too.
Ha! Wouldn't that be lovely?! Not going to happen for this chic. I am trying to create a sense of purpose and joy in undertaking the things around the house I most detest. I don't enjoy searching for lost socks. I rather don't appreciate scrubbing pink Dora toothpaste from the light switch in the upstairs bathroom. I could do without rehanging the front shingle that fell off the house during the last hurricane. I wouldn't mind someone else doing these things. Somedays I actually wonder if I could conjure up the money and person to come in and take over. Again, this just isn't going to happen. I usually whine about it for a while, then go make something delicious in the kitchen and feel that all's right with the world again.
Am looking forward to having a mini retreat this weekend at a borrowed beach house. No children or Cute Husband, no real responsibilities, and a world of quiet. I am looking forward to reconnecting with Spirit, watching some dvds of Downton Abbey, and catching up with my favorite soul sisters. Most likely I'll be touching base from there with you all, too.
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